Sucked Into Sohma House
by Rei And Val
Summary: NEW CHAPTER UP! More zany adventures of Rei & Val in the land of the Sohmas plus a NEW main character! R&R PLZ!
1. A Rousing Game Of Candy Land!

DISCLAIMER: Fruits Basket and any other anime hooligans that come into our story are the property of their respective owners, no matter how much we want to own them and plushify them.  
  
Rei: First we will introduce ourselves.  
  
Val: First, we will introduce ourselves.  
  
Rei: I just said that!  
  
Val: No. I refuse.  
  
Rei: What?  
  
Val: Okay folks, I'm Val and this is Rei, and we're just your average pair of otakus! We are obsessed with all animes but mostly Fruits Basket. We're both sixteen-year-old girls. Okay, so our story begins! Yaaaay!  
  
Rei: Um.yeah...  
  
Val: And she's the normal one! ^___^  
  
Rei: .  
  
~SUDDENLY, WHILE WATCHING FRUITS BASKET, WE GOT SUCKED INTO THE SCREEN! WHOOOOOAAAA!!!!~  
  
Val: *thud! Her and rei land SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE of Shigure's kitchen* Where are we..ow, my butt..  
  
Rei: ...  
  
Val: Hey, according to my wonderful Fruits Basket knowledge, this is the kitchen of Shigure Sohma! Cool!  
  
Rei: If you knew that..Why did you ask me?  
  
Val: No. I refuse.  
  
Rei: Whatever.Hey...Dammit, I forgot what I was gonna say.AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!  
  
Val: *gasp* Eeek! Scary Rei's Akito imitation! *screams and Kyo hears the scream and runs into the room*  
  
Kyo: What the hell?! *sees Rei and Val* WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE KITCHEN?!!!?  
  
Rei: .Existing..  
  
Val: We got sucked into your world from the TV screen like a big whooshy portal! *makes weird whooshy portal sounds*  
  
Rei: *Blinks* ..Don't do your noises..it's-just don't..  
  
Kyo: Um..so can you go now?  
  
Val: *whispers to Rei* This is our chance to LIVE with the Sohmas..pretend we're lost or something...Ooh! I've got it! Rei, imitate a crippled person!  
  
Rei: Um..No.  
  
Val: WOW! YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU COULD GET ALONG WITH HATORI!!!  
  
Kyo: *stares at the screaming girl* Uh...how do you know about Hatori?  
  
Val: *moves close to Kyo's face* Because we know EVERYTHING...  
  
Kyo: Uh...*sweatdrops*  
  
Val: And your name is Kyo Sohma and you're posessed by the spirit of the Cat from the Zodiac and your mother committed suicide when you were little so you got adopted by Kazuma Sohma, and you turn into a monster if your prayer beads get removed, and..*continues blabbering on and on about Kyo*  
  
Rei: *Watches Val go on and on and on* Uh.We're lost. *notices val is still talking* SHUT UP!  
  
Val: *shuts up*  
  
Rei: Good Girl.Now stay quiet or I might have a sudden urge to attack you or something.  
  
Val: *eats a potato she found on the floor*  
  
Kyo: Okay..so obviously you already know about the Curse..uh.I'll get Shigure and Yuki.  
  
Val: Okay! ^___^  
  
Rei: Okay.  
  
Shigure: *walks in* Visitors! YAAAY! *gives tea to everyone*  
  
Yuki: Um, shouldn't we ask what they're doing in our house and how they know about the Curse?  
  
Shigure: That doesn't matter to me! I just like having company! And females at that!  
  
Val: Yay, we're welcome! ^__^  
  
Rei: What? We are? Whatever..  
  
Shigure: Okay, so first of all, I'm Shigure, and this is Kyo and Yuki Sohma. Who are you?  
  
Rei: I'm Rei and this is..Val. We're friends.for some reason.  
  
Shigure: I've got an idea! Let's show these two lovely ladies around the Sohma House! YAAAAY! *drags them out the door and to the Main House Thingy*  
  
Hatori: *comes out of his house* Hello Shigure, Kyo, Yuki, uh...*looks at Rei and Val* Who are they?  
  
Rei: I'm Rei and this is..Val. We're friends.for some reason.  
  
Val: You're too repetitive. You just said that to Shigure.  
  
Rei: Shut up.  
  
Hatori: *looks to Shigure wondering why he has two outsiders with him and why they're high school girls*  
  
Shigure: In case you're about to ask why I have two outsiders with me and why they're high school girls, I DON'T KNOW! They just popped into my house and said they're lost, so we're adopting them! ^_^  
  
Kyo and Yuki: We are? NO!  
  
Shigure and Val: YAAAY! *turn to each other* JINX! *both roll on the ground laughing*  
  
Hatori and Rei: Okay then.*look at each other* Hn. *turn away from each other*  
  
Yuki and Kyo: *are thinking these people are um.getting along with Hatori and Shigure*  
  
Val: I've always wanted to be adopted! It's so sad being orphans..*sniffle*  
  
Rei: We are not orphans..  
  
Shigure: Okay! Ha'ri says we can go sit and talk and eat and play games and stuff at his house! Let's go! ^__^  
  
Hatori and Rei: What? *turn to each other* Stop..  
  
~AT HATORI'S HUMBLE HOME THAT REALLY ISN'T HUMBLE CUZ IT BRAGS ABOUT ITSELF EVEN THOUGH IT REALLY DOESN'T~  
  
Shigure: Okay, so, Rei and Val, what are your favorite animals in the Zodiac? And which animals are you?  
  
Val: We're both BOOOOOOAAARRS, but my favorite Zodiac animal is the Seahorse! ^.^  
  
Hatori: Um, it's the Dragon..  
  
Shigure: Ha-san lies to the innocent children! It's the SEAHORSE!!!  
  
Val: YEAH! *sticks tongue out at Hatori*  
  
Hatori: *lifts eyebrow* Um..right..  
  
Rei: I don't have a favorite..  
  
Shigure: Oh, so you like everyone? That's nice. ^_^  
  
Rei: Whatever.  
  
Val: Let's play a game!  
  
Shigure: You're a genius! Let's play...uh...Scrabble!  
  
Hatori and Rei: I hate Scrabble...*decide they aren't going to bother turning to each other so they just blink, AT THE EXACT SAME TIME I MIGHT ADD!*  
  
Shigure: Okay then, how about Candy Land?  
  
Hatori and Rei: *aren't going to respond because they know what will happen*  
  
Val: Candy Land it is! I'M THE GREEN ONE!  
  
Hiro: *suddenly appears* No, I'm the green one!  
  
Val: WOW, HIRO SOHMA! I'VE ALWAYS WANTED A PLUSHIE OF YOU!  
  
Hiro: *edges away from Val* Um..okay.  
  
Rei: ..  
  
Shigure: So, we have a Hiro fan..Rei? Who do you like? Anybody.we'll invite them to a nice rousing game of Candy Land..  
  
Rei: .I don't care...  
  
Shigure: Let's invite Aya!  
  
Yuki Kyo Rei and Hatori: No!  
  
Ayame: SOMEBODY SAY MY NAME? YAY! CANDY LAND, MY FAVORITE!  
  
Rei: Do you have to be so loud!?  
  
Ayame: *notices Rei* Ewwww...your hair..it's so HIDEOUS! So...black..  
  
Rei: *resists the temptation to kill Ayame*  
  
Hiro: This is stupid. Are we going to play the game or not?  
  
Hatori: Fine. Whatever.  
  
Val and Shigure: I'LL GO FIRST!! *look to each other* JINX!! *both roll on the floor laughing like morons*  
  
Hatori and Rei: ...Why am I friends with you again?  
  
Val: Ayah, what are we gonna do Ein? You believe it's a horrible alien don't you? Spooky!  
  
Rei: *Blinks*  
  
Val: Never mind...  
  
Shigure: *Picks up a card from the deck* One yellow! YAAAY! *Moves to the first yellow square* Rei's turn!  
  
Rei: why me? I hate this game.I didn't want to play in the first place.  
  
Hiro: *stares at Rei amazed* Wow...I wanted to say that..  
  
Val: But Hiro, you said you wanted to be the Green One!  
  
Hiro: Is that a challenge?  
  
Val: Um..no.  
  
Hiro: Then why are you telling me things I already knew? That's almost as bad as correcting someone's grammar!  
  
Shigure: *whistles innocently*  
  
Hiro: You should learn to be more polite. I doubt you have very many friends at all.  
  
Val: *sniffle sniffle* ....I..I..*bursts out crying* You're so mean Hiro!  
  
Rei: You say she doesn't have many friends.But how many do you have?  
  
Hiro: ... *eats Rei's head, devouring her brain and sucking out all the bodily fluids like a rabid Beach Boy..just kidding, he just stuck his tongue out at her*  
  
Val: MY TURN! *is suddenly all happy and cheerful-like* Um..let's see...RIGHT HAND BLUE!  
  
Everyone but Shigure: *blinks* Uh...this is Candy Land..  
  
Shigure: ALL RIGHT! TWISTER THE HOT SPOT!  
  
Val: *draws a card from the deck* WAHAHAHA! I GOT PLUMPY!!!  
  
Shigure: YAY! PLUMP-I-TIZE ME CAP'N!  
  
Hatori and Rei: *looking at Val and Shigure like they're complete morons who would make a good couple*  
  
Val: ACK! The game...it's.it's sucking me in!  
  
~CANDY LAND SUCKS EVERYBODY INTO IT'S MAGICAL GUMDROP-FILLED LAND~  
  
Val: Where are we...ow my butt..WHOA DÉJÀ VU!  
  
Shigure: I think we got sucked into Candy Land! (by the way Candy Land belongs to the heavily respected people at Milton-Bradley..wait! It's Milton Bradley right? WHAT IF IT'S KELLOGGS OR SOMETHING?! NOOOO!)  
  
Rei: ..Candy Land..I HATE this game..  
  
Hatori: *lights a cigarette*  
  
Mr. Mint: *runs up to Hatori* Hey, there's no smoking in here! This is a Child's First Game!  
  
Rei: This is so tempting. *Walks up to Hatori and takes the cigarette from him and puts it out on Shigure's forehead* ...  
  
Shigure: *screams like a girl*  
  
Mr. Mint: Wow! *turns to Rei* You..you saved Candy Land from destruction by the Evil Cigarette Man! You are highly regarded now! Our new ruler!  
  
~A BUNCH OF LITTLE GINGERBREAD MEN COME AND PICK KING KANDY UP OFF THE THRONE AND TOSS HIM INTO THE RIVER~  
  
Rei: Hatori.Light another one..  
  
Mr. Mint: Are you even acknowledging my existance?  
  
Rei: Huh? Did you say something *Looks to Mr. Mint* I hadnt noticed you.  
  
Mr. Mint: *falls over like they do on Pokemon and then gets back up and blows his whistle*  
  
~THE LITTLE GINGERBREAD MEN COME AND PICK UP REI AND PLACE HER ON THE THRONE SINGING "ALL HAIL THE CIGARETTE EXTINGUISHER!"~  
  
Rei: *mutters under her breath*.I hate Milton Bradley for ever coming up with such a scary game..  
  
Hatori: Okay..so she's the ruler..what does that make me? I created the cigarette.  
  
~LITTLE GINGERBREAD MEN MURDER LORD LICORICE WITH A LOLLIPOP AND PUT HATORI IN HIS THRONE~  
  
Hatori: Um..am I supposed to be evil? I'm a doctor..  
  
Mr. Mint: *gasps* A doctor! Then we are deeply in need of your service!  
  
~A SMALL GINGERBREAD MAN COMES UP MISSING A LEG~  
  
Gingerbread Man: I...I was attacked and bitten by a savage beast.  
  
Shigure: *has a gingerbread leg in his mouth*  
  
Hatori: *blinks at Shigure and then turns back to the Gingerbread Man who we are going to name Myotismon*  
  
Myotismon: Can you help me? Please?  
  
Hatori: Of course. Come here.  
  
Myotismon: Hurray! I am saved! *runs to Hatori* Help me o great one!  
  
Hatori: Sure, whatever. *eats Myotismon*  
  
Mr. Mint: *screams* Traitor! All Candy land forces! Attack!  
  
~GAZILLIONS OF LITTLE GINGERBREAD MEN ATTACK ALL THE HUMANS THAT HAVE COME TO THEIR LAND~  
  
Everyone: *screams and are sucked back into their world*  
  
Shigure: Well..that was interesting...let's play Candy Land now, shall we?  
  
Val: But the Gingerbread Men drowned King Kandy and murdered Lord Licorice with a lollipop..and without Lord licorice or King Kandy, there is no point to the whole story of the game!  
  
Shigure: Aww..now we can't play Candy Land.  
  
Hatori and Rei: *mumble* Yes!  
  
Shigure: Well then, we'll have to do sumthin else for fun..Let's go outside and introduce Rei and Val to everyone in the Sohma family!  
  
Rei: Why?  
  
Shigure: Because, we're adopting you, so you should probably know your relatives.  
  
Val: Yay! We get to meet all my favorite Sohmas! Like Akito! Yaaaaaaay!  
  
Rei: *looks at Val like she is insane* No.Not Akito..ANYONE but him..  
  
Hatori: Um..one question..why is Akito your favorite?  
  
Val: No. I refuse.  
  
Rei: *looks to Hatori and then to Val* Answer his question..I want to know too.  
  
Val: Aw, but don't you think he's kawaii?  
  
Hatori and Rei: No, not really...*turn to each other* Hn. *turn away*  
  
Shigure: Well, which Sohma do you want to meet first?  
  
Val: AKITO!!!  
  
Hatori Yuki Kyo and Rei: NO!  
  
Val: Fine then, Rei...who do YOU want to meet first?  
  
Rei: ANYONE but Akito.  
  
Val: How about...Ritsu and Momiji then?  
  
Hatori and Rei: Whatever.  
  
Val: All right! Let's go meet the Sohmas!  
  
Val: So, what did you think? Read and review! OUR FIRST FIC TOGETHER YAAAY! I'M HYPER RICEBALL! AND REI IS SATURN-11! So please read our other individual work too! ^_^  
  
Rei: I actually don't have any fics right now.  
  
Val: Okay then, people, read my fic The Fast and The Flubbery: Momiji's Mystery! Don't even TOUCH that other fic, it sucks. Well, if you read our story, PLEASE review it! Even if you hated it oh well! Flame us! Love us! Do whatever! *blabbers on and on*  
  
Rei: If you flame us I will hunt you down and kill you in your sleep though.  
  
Val: Isn't Rei so nice? ^_^ Well, until next time, folks, on THE MANY ADVENTURES OF VAL AND REI IN SOHMA LAND!  
  
Rei: That isn't going to fit, and I'd kill you if you named it that.  
  
Val: Okay then, we're calling this story Akito Wa Kawaii!  
  
Rei: No.  
  
Val: Um..how about..Sucked Into Sohma Land?  
  
Rei: Why LAND? Why not just "Sucked into Sohma House"?  
  
Val: OH-KAY! LIKE I SAID BEFORE, SUCKED INTO SOHMA HOUSE!!!  
  
Rei: Whatever..Just read and review whatever this story is called.. 


	2. The Li and the Dogie

DISCLAIMER: These Fruits Basket characters exist, but only thanks to the great Takaya Natsuki, who if you think about it, is really talented to make so many fantastic characters for everyone to fall in love with. They're..beautiful..Miss Natsuki.*sniffle*.Thank you..*sniffle* I'm.going..to cry now..  
  
Val: YAY! Look, it's Ritsu! HI RITSU! *waves a little too enthusiastically*  
  
Rei: Its not that great..  
  
Val: *gets really big with evil glowing eyes* Yes..it is..  
  
Rei: *Blinks* .  
  
Ritsu: Hello! And who are you?  
  
Val: MY NAME IS VAL! AND THIS IS..uh...um...errr...REI!  
  
Rei: .Is my name that hard to remember?  
  
Val: No, I just HAD to make an errrr before the word Rei cuz then it's like errrREI like Thunderbolt The Wonder Dog's bark..You know, Ruff ruff errrRUFF! From 101 Dalmatians 2? Y'know?  
  
Rei: Whatever.  
  
Momiji: Hi, you must be the newcomers I sensed coming with my amazing psychic powers, that, might I add, are neutral.  
  
Rei: I'm sorry readers, but I can't come up with any snazzy catchphrase right now cuz I'm boring..so..stop staring at me..and reading this sentence..stop it..you're still there..LEAVE DAMMIT!  
  
Ritsu: So, what are your names?  
  
Val: I ALREADY TOLD YOU STUPID!!!!  
  
Rei: .Do you have to act like that? You could just tell him again.It doesn't matter. I think you're overreacting..  
  
Val: Oink! ^__^  
  
Ritsu: I AM SO SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN TO ASK AGAIN! IT ISN'T MY FAULT! WAIT, YES IT IS! I AM SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON! I NEED TO SUFFER AND BURN IN HELL!!!!!  
  
Val: *gasps* Ritsu...you said the H-Word..  
  
Ritsu: NO!! I'M SO SORRY FOR MY BLASPHEMY!!!! I SHOULDN'T HAVE EVER OPENED MY MOUTH TO SPEAK!! I SHOULD BE BUSY DOING SOMETHING ELSE, LIKE DYING OR SOMETHING!!! AND FOR THOSE WHO SKIPPED THIS PARAGRAPH CUZ IT'S JUST A BUNCH OF RITSU NONSENSE, YOU'RE MISSING OUT ON THE SECRET SURPRISE I'M ABOUT TO GIVE THE READERS WHO ACTUALLY READ THIS!! HERE READERS HAVE A COOKIE!!!  
  
Rei: *blinks* Readers..I'm not even going to ask.  
  
Val: *looks up at sky* You mean..people are...reading us? Our every speech and movement is being written down or typed on a computer, and someone named Katie is reading this right now somewhere in the world? And in case there IS a Katie reading this, hi Katie! Isn't this a cool fic? We're actually addressing you from your name Katie! We're so interactive!  
  
Hatori: *staring at Val wondering why she's talking to the sky*  
  
Rei: Val.What are you doing? You're making yourself look really stupid..  
  
Val: But I AM really stupid..  
  
Rei: I know.  
  
Momiji: Judging by my psychic intuition, there's a boy watching us from the bushes...His name is Li Syaoran, and he's from Cardcaptor Sakura! Which doesn't belong to the writers of this fic!  
  
Hatori: *still doesn't understand the "fic" thing everyone's blabbering about*  
  
Hiro: Um..Momiji...when'd you become psychic?  
  
Momiji: Yesterday! ^__^  
  
Hiro: Aren't people born with those?  
  
Momiji: Not in my case!  
  
Hiro: Whatever..  
  
Li: *jumps out of the bushes* I watch you from my bush, Rei!  
  
Hatori: Why? Why Rei? First she was the savior of Candy Land, now she has a stalker who hides in the bushes? I don't understand..  
  
Rei: Neither do I, but that's okay! I have a Li!  
  
Shigure: You..HAVE..a Li?  
  
Rei: It appears that way.  
  
Li: I shall stare at you from my bush, Rei. I don't care where you go..  
  
Hatori: He's only talking in one-syllable words..  
  
Li: Let's keep it that way, uh..Ha. San.  
  
Hatori: How did you know my name? Or rather, my nickname?  
  
Rei: Because.He's my Li.  
  
Shigure: YOUR Li?  
  
Rei: MY Li.  
  
Li: HER Li.  
  
Val: Okay, so what's going on? Do you know him?  
  
Rei: No, but oh well. He's my Li now.  
  
Li: I know you, though. I've watched you your whole life from my bush.  
  
Val: You've been sitting in a bush your entire life watching Rei? What a boring waste of your time.  
  
Rei: You're just jealous that I have a Li and you don't!  
  
Val: No, not really..Wait a sec.why is their a person from CardCaptor Sakura in Fruits Basket world? And why does he follow YOU? *IS starting to get jealous she doesn't have a Li*  
  
Rei: Because, he is MY Li.  
  
Hatori: Fruits Basket world? What's that?  
  
Val: Okay, you guys are all from a Japanese cartoon called Fruits Basket where Tohru's the main characters and you guys are just a bunch of side- characters who she helps with their sorrows.  
  
Hatori: Huh?  
  
Val: In other words, you play NO role in the story except to be bishies.  
  
Hatori: *is confused now*  
  
Li: ......What is that word you speak of? What does it mean?  
  
Val: Huh? Bishie? It's short for bishonen, it means hot guy...Why? Can you not say the word cuz it has more than one syllable?  
  
Rei: Leave my Li alone!!  
  
Li: Yeah, leave me...leave me be.  
  
Val: C'mon Syllable Boy! Say "Bishie"!  
  
Li: Cute boy.  
  
Val: ARGH! NO! SAY BISHONEN!  
  
Li: Hot guy.  
  
Val: Aah, forget it..Okay, can we go see Akito now?  
  
Rei: *Eyes widen* Why?  
  
Val: Cuz if we're being sucked into the Fruits Basket world, what if we only have a limited amount of time here? I want to give him a hug and tell him he's kawaii!  
  
Rei: Can I not come?  
  
Li: *clings to Rei's leg* Don't go. You can't. I must stalk you, but I don't want to go in the Main House and leave my bush.  
  
Rei: Yeah! Don't make me leave my Li!! *Hugs her Li*  
  
Val: Li's a dirty rotten pervert!  
  
Li: What? Why?  
  
Val: Because, obviously, if this is the first time he's ever clinged to your leg before going inside where there aren't bushes, then obviously in the past he's hidden somewhere like a bush outside your window to watch you. Even when you're taking a shower!  
  
Rei: .  
  
Li: ..No. I don't watch when she bathes. I close my eyes. But I am in a bush by the glass paned hole in the wall that light comes through.  
  
Val: Just say window.  
  
Li: No. That is too long.  
  
Val: Whatever..Anyways, let's go visit Akito! Please! Please!  
  
Hatori: I don't..want to go though..  
  
Val: Hatori, you can't say you aren't coming just because your name means Temple Pigeon! Come on! Let's go!  
  
Hatori: .....But I never used that as an excuse.  
  
Val: So? It would make a good excuse.  
  
Hatori: No, not really.  
  
Val: I wanna see Akito! *bursts into tears*  
  
Rei: *Clings to her Li* I don't want to see Akito! You cant make me!!  
  
Val: But I HAVE to see Akito..I am his ultimate fan! *pulls out action figures and magazines and posters and a T-Shirt that says "I Luv God" and a gigantic and I mean GIGANTIC stuffed Akito plushie that's about 4 feet tall*  
  
Hatori: Wow...Um...who manufactures these goods?  
  
Val: Dorothy in Kansas.  
  
Hatori: What?  
  
Val: Gosh, if I'm gonna have to repeat myself then why say anything at all? *huggles 4 foot tall Akito plushie*  
  
Rei: No.I am not going to see Akito...You know very well I am afraid of him..  
  
Val: Well I'm not, all the more reason to go.  
  
Hatori: What makes you Queen?  
  
Val: Cuz my birthday's next month. *sticks tongue out at Hatori*  
  
Hatori: *is about to say that doesn't make sense at all but stops himself* Fine..let's go.  
  
Rei: Li! I don't want to go!! *Clings to her Li again*  
  
Li: Rei does not want to go, she should not have to. I will stay here with her and wait for you to come back.  
  
Val: Okay, we'll bring Akito back to you! Like a pizza delivery! Okay?  
  
Rei: No.Leave me alone! I don't want to see him!!  
  
Akito: ...Why?  
  
Rei: *Jumps a little* I..um..I wanted to stay with my Li.  
  
Akito: *has a slice of pizza and is very content* Who's Li? And who are you? Mmm, pepperoni! ^__^  
  
Rei: I'm Rei.  
  
Akito: Last name?  
  
Rei: My last name is *a truck speeds by with a bad muffler* Yep. That's my last name. *Bows*  
  
Akito: *is having the pizza slide, if anyone knows what that is* Okay..um...can you go away now? You're an outsider.  
  
Val: *big sparkly eyes* WOW! AKITO SOHMA! HELLLLOOOOOO! *clings to akito's arm* I love you! ^___^  
  
Akito: *blinks*  
  
Val: Ewww, you're having the pizza slide.  
  
Akito: ..What's a pizza slide?  
  
Val: When the cheese and sauce and stuff all dribbles down out of your mouth onto your chin and then goes on your shirt and ruins your clothes and- --  
  
Akito: *really has no mess at all* Um...no I'm not.  
  
Val: DON'T ARGUE WITH ME YOUNG MAN! *swats Akito's nose* BAD!  
  
Rei: *eyes widen and clings to her Li in fear of an angry Akito* ....  
  
Akito: WHAT WAS THAT FOR?! YOU HAD NO REASON TO DO THAT, YOU OUTSIDER, YOU, YOU---  
  
Val: DON'T YELL AT ME LIKE THAT! BAD BAD BAD! For all you kids at home, here's a tip. When your dog or Akito is bad, swat it on the nose! NOW BEHAVE YOUNG MAN! *swats Akito on the nose*  
  
Akito: *is stupefied* .....You just.you..  
  
Val: THAT'S RIGHT, NOW SHUT UP! I love you! ^__^  
  
Akito: O__O  
  
Rei: *Is VERY nervous right now and clinging to her Li.Still* ...  
  
Li: Do not be scared Rei. You can cling all you want, I don't mind. This guy can be quite mean, but I will not let him hurt you.  
  
Val: He won't be mean while I'm around, ^_^, RIGHT AKITO? *turns to Akito*  
  
Akito: *shakes head quickly* O.O  
  
Val: Good boy. *puts akito on a leash* Let's go for a walk around to meet the other Sohmas everyone! ^___^ I just love meeting new people!  
  
Rei: Um.Okay.*is still a little nervous but now clinging to her Li's arm* Let's.Um.Let's go.  
  
Val: Okay, Akito, down on all fours like a puppy! ^__^  
  
Akito: No. I don't want to.  
  
Val: DO IT!! NOW!!!! *yanks on the leash*  
  
Akito: *is practically choked* Fine.fine..let's go.*goes on all fours*  
  
Val: Yay! ^_^  
  
~THEY ALL WALK PLEASANTLY DOWN THE PATH WHEN THEY MEET UP WITH KISA SOHMA~  
  
Hiro: Kisa! Hi! I want you to meet Rei and Val, Shigure's adopting them!  
  
Kisa: Shigure's adopting you? That's nice. *smiles then jumps a foot in the air* Wh.why do you have Akito on a leash? On all fours?  
  
Akito: -__-  
  
Val: Because he's my dogie! Git along little dogie! *kicks Akito in the rear*  
  
Akito: *moves forward*  
  
Val: Good dogie. ^_^  
  
Rei: *Blinks and lets go of her Li* Hello Kisa, it's nice to meet you. *Clings to her Li's arm again* And this is my Li.  
  
Li: Hi young girl.  
  
Kisa: My name's Kisa Sohma, if you didn't know already.  
  
Li: I can't say that.  
  
Kisa: Why not? It's a short and easy name to say!  
  
Rei: Oh, my Li only says one syllable words! Right Li?  
  
Li: Yeah.  
  
Kisa: Okay..um..here, I assume I've the first girl you've met, judging by there's only boys following you. ^_^ I'll introduce you to the other two girls in the Zodiac.  
  
Akito: *wants to kill Kisa for mentioning the Zodiac in front of two outsiders plus a Li*  
  
Kisa: *understands Akito's murderous glare* Um, the Zodiac Club I mean.it's a little.uh.club-thingy we Sohmas made..  
  
Li: Club? Cool.  
  
Val: Don't worry, Akito, we already know about the Curse. You don't have to worry about us telling anyone about it.  
  
Li: Hm? Curse? What Curse?  
  
Rei: Nothing ,my Li, just forget about it.  
  
Li: All right then. I will.  
  
~AT RIN AND KAGURA'S HOUSE~  
  
Rin: Hi.  
  
Kagura: Hello, I'm Kagura, this is Rin. We knew you were coming because Momiji told us with his psychic powers. We're planning on joining his brainwashing psychic cult next week.  
  
Rin: You don't tell people that.  
  
Kagura: Okay. I won't.  
  
Rin: It's too late now, you already did.  
  
Akito: I have to go to the bathroom...  
  
Val: *hisses* YOU'RE A DOG DAMMIT! PEE ON A FIRE HYDRANT!!  
  
Akito: There aren't any fire hydrants around, and I wouldn't urinate on one anyway.  
  
Val: Well then go in the bushes!  
  
Li: No! Don't pee in my bush! It is my bush!  
  
Rei: NOT THE BUSH! THAT IS MY LI'S BUSH!! *Clings to Li's arm again*  
  
Akito: Well, can you please let me off this leash so I can find a bathroom?  
  
Val: NO! YOU SHALL STAY UNTIL I SAY YOU CAN GO!  
  
Rin: She's a lot like you and Kyo, Kagura.  
  
Kagura: What? You think so?  
  
Rin: Mm-hmm.  
  
Rei: *looks to Val* You're insane..You're YELLING at Akito...  
  
Akito: *realizes that suddenly* You're right! How dare you! You aren't allowed to yell at me! I am the Sohma Head! I AM THE LEADER! You'RE JUST AN OUTSIDER! *decides to attack the closest person, which just so happens to be Rei cuz she's the one that has all the events happen to her like the Li and the Gingerbread Men*  
  
Rei: *eyes widen* Why me!? Why not Val!? She is the one who was doing it!  
  
Val: Well you're special!  
  
Akito: NO! YUKI'S SPECIAL! *attacks Val*  
  
Val: I feel loved. ^__^ I'm being attacked by THE Akito...THE...THE...  
  
Kyo: Uh, why are you saying THE like it's some amazing word? Why not Akito?  
  
Val: Because THE is God..  
  
Akito: I'M GOD!  
  
Val: I DON'T CARE! GET BACK ON YOUR LEASH, DOGIE!  
  
Akito: NO!  
  
Val: YOU'D BETTER LISTEN TO ME!  
  
Akito: YOU'D BETTER LISTEN TO ME!  
  
Val: YOU'D BETTER---*notices Hiro exists* Oh, Hiro! ^___^ Kawaii! *gives Hiro a noogie*  
  
Yuki: He was here since almost the beginning...You didn't notice him?  
  
Val: The Beginning of Time? WOW! ETERNAL HIRO! *pets Hiro and shoves a grape in his mouth* EAT IT!  
  
Hiro: *trying to escape* Why?!  
  
Val: BECAUSE YOU'RE MY SECOND FAVORITE FRUITS BASKET CHARACTER!!!!  
  
Hiro: *is confused and has been petted too hard so he passes out*  
  
Val: N.no...Hiro.I.I.I killed him...Hiro...  
  
Hiro: @_@  
  
Rei: *Is VERY scared because she was just attacked so she is clinging to her Li* ..........  
  
Li: Calm down. It's all right. He did not hurt you.  
  
Val: *pets Hiro hoping that the Pet Of Life will resurrect him*  
  
Hatori: He's just knocked out. He'll be fine...you shouldn't uh..pet him so hard..  
  
Val: REALLY? Thank you for advising me against my overly-painful pettings! *hugs Hatori*  
  
Hatori: *turns into a seahorse* Why did you hug me?  
  
Val: Oops...  
  
Li: He has turned int-  
  
Rei: Yes I see that..  
  
Val: Careful Li, you almost said "into"! COUNT THE SYLLABLES!  
  
Li: *counts silently on his fingers and gasps* No! You are right! Rei cut me off so I did not say a long word! You saved me Rei! Thank you!  
  
Rei: You are welcome.  
  
Val: *points to Yuki* AND YOU ARE WILLARD!!!!  
  
Yuki: Uh...*stares at Val's pointing finger* I..am? Who is Willard?  
  
Val: *remembers that Fruits Basket takes place in the year 1999, when Willard hadn't come out yet*  
  
Rei: Willard is a guy that has a bunch of rats! I love rats! ^_^  
  
Yuki: *edges away from the Rei who just burst out cackling at her love of rats*  
  
Val: *tackles yuki* WILLY WILLARD!!!!!!  
  
Yuki: Ack! Why?!  
  
Val: DON'T ABOMINATE ME WILLARD!!!!!!  
  
Yuki: Huh?  
  
Rei: *stops cackling* Abomma what?  
  
Val: Ah, never mind...HEY! WHERE'S MY BEAUTIFUL DOGIE?!!  
  
Akito: *is running away at the speed of a zooming akito, which isn't very fast*  
  
Val: *runs up at like 70 MPH* COME BACK TO ME DOGIE!!!!  
  
Akito: *is...pant..almost..pant..there..the...guy's..bathroom*  
  
Val: DOGIE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Akito: *hides in the guy's bathroom, THINKING he'll be safe in here*  
  
Val: DON'T ABANDON ME DOGIE! *runs in the guy's bathroom*  
  
Everyone Outside The Bathroom: *hears silence*  
  
Val: EEEEEK! *runs out and hides behind Shigure*  
  
Akito: *pops his head out the door and sticks his tongue out at Val*  
  
Val: *throws a rock at Akito's head*  
  
Akito: *has been hit by a five-ton rock*  
  
Hatori: Shigure, take Rei, Val, Li, and the others back to your house..I'll take care of Akito..  
  
Akito: *is sitting there with swirly eyes*  
  
~AT SHIGURE'S HOUSE~  
  
Tohru: Oh, hello there! ^__^  
  
Rei: Hello I'm Rei, this is Val, and THIS.*Grabs Li and waves him in front of Tohru, Li wobbling like flubbery jelly, or it might just APPEAR that way like that pencil trick* ...is my Li. *pulls Li away from Tohru and strokes his head* My Li.^_^ *Hugs her Li and then clings to him* ^_^  
  
Shigure: You see, Tohru, these three are going to be living with us for awhile..we're adopting them, so to speak.  
  
Tohru: Oh wow, that's great! I hope to become friends with both of you!  
  
Rei: Yeah, and my Li too. ^_^  
  
Val: *will NOT talk because she doesn't have her Dogie*  
  
Kyo: Uh, where will they sleep?  
  
Shigure: Tohru's room. I'll just put some sleeping bags on the floor for now.  
  
Tohru: Oh, how wonderful! We can have an all-girl slumber party!  
  
Rei: NO! THAT'S WRONG! Its an all-girl PLUS a Li Slumber party! Right Li? *Hugs her Li*  
  
Li: *yawns* Right Rei...  
  
Shigure: No, Li won't be sleeping in a room with three girls, he'll be outside watching...from his bush..  
  
Li: My bush? Oh yes! Do not be scared, Rei, I will watch you all from my bush!  
  
Rei: Okay my Li! ^___^  
  
Val: *notices Rei's a lot more perkier when her Li is around* ...  
  
Yuki: What's wrong, Miss Val?  
  
Val: I want my Dogie! *bursts into tears*  
  
Val: So, did you like it? Read and Review plz! We love your reviews, even if you flame us! ^__^  
  
Rei: Whatever.Where is my Li?! *is in a bad mood and wants her Li*  
  
Val: Li went back to CardCaptor Sakura world until the next chapter...but it's okay...I threw a rock at my Dogie! I hope he's okay!  
  
Rei: I hope my Li is okay!  
  
Val and Rei: *hug each other crying* 


	3. Locomotion and Hatori's Showdown

DISCLAIMER: Nuh.we don't own it.nuh...we love it...nuh.stop reading this.nuh.don't make fun of my disclaimers...nuh...i doubt YOU could do much better.nuh..and I don't own fruits basket and neither does rei or ichigo.nuh.don't tease us cuzzuv it.nuh.YOU don't own it either.nuh.hahaha, I, val, do the best disclaimers.nuh.  
  
Rei: Sorry it took so long to update. We were busy.  
  
Val: Nuh.  
  
Ichigo: Starting this chapter, a NEW character will be appearing! ME! Well, as long as it's okay with everyone else, I will be a new main character. I will be the Sohma Sunshine! And I will also be Rei's inspirational happiness! She needs one. ^__^  
  
Rei: .Shut up.  
  
Val: Okay! So ON TO THE SHOW!!  
  
~FIRST MORNING LIVING AT THE SOHMAS~  
  
Val: *yawns* Wow.what a dream.ow, my butt.*turns to rei who is still asleep*  
  
Rei: *turns over in sleep*  
  
Val: *looks around and then looks mischieviously back at the sleeping rei*  
  
Rei: .my Li...  
  
Val: *slides over to rei and screams AKITO in her ear*  
  
Rei: *wakes up and hides behind Val* WHERE!?!?  
  
Val: ^______________________________________________^  
  
Kazuma: *appears* Hey, that's MY smiley! I like to smile big pointless smileys like that! See? ^_______________________^ It's like a frog.  
  
Rei Val and Tohru: *blink*  
  
Kazuma: ^______________________^  
  
Rei and Tohru: *scream* AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! OLD MAN IN THE GIRL'S ROOM!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Val: I don't mind, it's Kazuma! ^__________________^ Kazuma's CUTE! ^_________________________^  
  
Kazuma: Yeah, I am! ^_______________________________^  
  
Val: ^____________________________^  
  
Kazuma: ^____________________________^  
  
Rei: .stop smiling.  
  
Tohru: Oh no! I forgot, I have to make breakfast! *runs to the kitchen to make breakfast*  
  
Kazuma and Val: Yeah, I'm hungry. ^_________________________^ *walk to the ktichen side-by-side going ^_______________^*  
  
Rei: . *follows*  
  
~AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE~  
  
Shigure: Kazuma, what brings you here?  
  
Kazuma: I caught a fish. I brought it here to share with you. And, if you don't want to eat it, you can slap each other with it like that burglar on Courage the Cowardly Dog. ^____________________^  
  
Everyone: o.o  
  
~LONG AWKWARD SILENCE~  
  
Kazuma: Uh.want me to show it to you? It's a kahuna! *picks up bag and unzips it*  
  
*a girl about rei and val's age pops out of the bag*  
  
Ichigo: Hello, my name's Ichigo! ^_^ I'm a fish!  
  
Kyo: *looks her over* No.you're not.  
  
Ichigo: I am though.see.*fwooshes fishtail*  
  
Everyone: o.o  
  
Shigure: Kazuma, is it just me, or is that "fish" a girl?  
  
Kazuma: It's a girlfish. ^______________________^  
  
Ichigo: And I've come to live with you. *smiles sweetly*  
  
Rei: Shigure, where do you keep your sharp objects? *stares at the "fishgirl"*  
  
Ichigo: Oh, you wouldn't want to eat me.I'm here to help you with your problems.I'm here to be.*points to all the Sohmas* .your Sohma sunshine.*points to Rei* .and I'm going to be YOUR inspirational happiness.  
  
Val: HOLD ON A SEC! WHAT DO I GET OUT OF THIS?! THAT'S NOT FAIR!!! EVERYONE GETS A HAPPY-THINGY BUT ALL I GET IS YOGURT!!! *pulls out a go-gurt* I HATE YOGURT!!!!! AAAAUUUUUGHHHH!!!  
  
Rei: *blinks ignoring Val* Actually, I wasn't gonna eat you. I was gonna kill you, but I guess I could eat you as well.  
  
Ichigo: Oh, but.*bats eyelashes innocently* .killing is.wrong.  
  
Rei: It's never stopped me before.  
  
Ichigo: See, Rei, you NEED an inspirational happiness. *smiles cutely* Don't worry.I'm here to help you.  
  
Rei: You're cute.but I hate cute.  
  
Val: *stomps on the go-gurt not even paying attention to the conversation* DIE YOU STUPID EVIL GO-GURT WARLORD THAT HIDES IT'S VICIOUS THIRST FOR HUMAN BLOOD UNDER IT'S INNOCENT EXTERIOR!!! DIE!! DIE!! DIE!!!!!  
  
Kazuma: Well, I've delivered my fish. Now, I must go..*flys away on Goku's Nimbus Cloud*  
  
Val: Wow.*big sparkly shojo bubbles* .I wonder if we'll ever see him again.*turns to rei* Do you think we will, Rei?  
  
Rei: *sees Kazuma's cloud get hit by an airplane* Uh.yes.I'm sure we will.  
  
Val: That's good. I wanna be just like him when I grow up. ^______________^  
  
Rei: .that won't happen.  
  
Val: KILLJOY!!! *kills Nurse Joy*  
  
Ichigo: I think you two should be going to school. *smiles sweetly* Don't worry. I'll accompany you.  
  
Val: But.*sniffle* .how can I go to school knowing I threw a rock at Akito's head? It will eat away at my soul forever.  
  
Ichigo: Don't worry. Because I'm a scary goody-goody-two-shoes girl who smiles sweetly too much and always wants to help everyone, I'll pat your back and say "There, there. It's okay." *pats val's back and says there there its okay*  
  
Val: ALL RIGHT! TO SCHOOL WE GO!!!! *pivots and is suddenly in a sailor fuku like on the Sims*  
  
Rei: *does the same*  
  
Ichigo: *dittos*  
  
Rei: *Looks to Ichigo* Why are you MY inspirational happiness?!  
  
Ichigo: I'm not sure. Teehee. *smiles sweetly*  
  
~AT KAWAIA HIGH SCHOOL CLASS 1-D~  
  
Teacher-Man: Welcome.to Atlantis.Well, not really, but I had to say that. Alright class, we have three new students. Rei, Val, and Ichigo. So, tell us, what's your last names?  
  
Rei: Uh.Sohma.  
  
Ichigo: Sohma.  
  
Val: Sohma?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! MY LAST NAME ISN'T SOHMA!! IT'S *school council president Takei suddenly has a horrid coughing fit, so horridly that he falls out of his chair rolling on the floor with his eyes back in his head and his body twitching*.  
  
Rei: *stares down at Takei who is suddenly having a horrid coughing fit, so horridly that he falls out of his chair rolling on the floor with his eyes back in his head and his body twitching * Die Die Die!!-er, sorry.  
  
Ichigo: We're all Sohmas! Well, we are now anyway! Teehee. *smiles sweetly*  
  
Val: Yeah, we're Sohmas now.  
  
Ichigo: YOU'RE A SOHMA AND YOU'RE WUNNUV US NOW! YOU'RE A SOHMA AND YOU'RE WUNNUV US NOW!!! THOUGH-YOU-DON'T-TURN-INTO-ONE-OF-THE-TWELVE-ANIMALS-OF- THE-CHINESE-ZODIAC-WHEN-YOU'RE-HUGGED-BY-SOMEONE-OF-THE-OPPOSITE-SEX-OR-ARE- UNDER-A-GREAT-DEAL-OF-STRESS, WE THINK YOU LIKE US TOO, CUZ YOU'RE A SOHMA AND YOU'RE WUNNUV US NOW!!  
  
Every Un-Sohma Student in the class: Uh.Zodiac?  
  
Yuki: -_-  
  
Kyo: -_-  
  
Rei: -_-  
  
Val: ^_^  
  
Ichigo: Oh.I'm so sorry.I'm so sorry I gave away the secret curse that nobody was supposed to know about that we got from Megumi Hanajima's cursing great-great-great-great granfather! You weren't supposed to know why Yuki or Kyo don't get close to girls! I shouldn't have told you that even Haru and Momiji and stuff transform! And that Yuki's really a Rat! And Haru's really a Cow! And Momiji's really a Rabbit! And Kyo's really a Cat! Oh, and he does this too. *rips off kyo's prayer beads*  
  
Everyone: AAAHH! IT'S A ( ) *this word has been deleted for spoiler purposes*  
  
Rei: Wait a sec.if they all ran away then Hatori won't know who to erase the memories of because we don't know who saw it!  
  
Val: Yuh-huh! It was Class 1-D! There! Wait.how would you know if Hatori's gonna erase their memories?  
  
Rei: Ichigo just told them about the curse.  
  
Val: SO? I TOLD ALL THOSE LITTLE LEPRECHAUNS IN MY DREAM LAST NIGHT ABOUT THE CURSE AND I DON'T SEE NO SEAPONY ERASING THEIR MEMORIES!!  
  
Rei: That's because it was a dream.  
  
Val: HATORI!!!! *calls at top of lungs for Hatori like Raven on Zoids does for Shadow*  
  
Hatori: *crashes in through the window screeching like shadow*  
  
Val: Hatori!  
  
Hatori: *retracts wings* Why do you summon me?  
  
Val: Erase all of their memories! They saw Kyo transform both times!  
  
Kyo: *is leading a group of students down the halls doing the macarena*  
  
Val: NO! FOLLOW THAT( )!!  
  
Hatori: *sprout out his wings and plops ichigo rei and val onto his back* LET'S GO FOR IT!! *blazing power ranger music*  
  
Rei: .  
  
Hatori: *spurts flame out his butt and zooms down the hall at top speed like the penguin on Spacestation Silicon Valley*  
  
Kyo: One-and-a-two-and-a-three-macarena! ^_____^  
  
Student: Wow! This big ( ) sure knows how to dance!  
  
Kyo: Now let's do the locomotion!  
  
Student: Okay!  
  
Hatori: *tackles kyo to the ground* NOOOOOOOOO!!! NOT THE TRAIN SONG!!!!!  
  
Kyo: *gets up all dramatic-shonen-anime-like* No.*pant pant*.I must.continue.  
  
Val: *tears build up in her eyes* No.Kyo.save your strength.  
  
Kyo: For what?  
  
Val: For.*sniffle*.the Limbo!  
  
Kyo: No.I can't.*cough cough*.I must.do the.Locomotion.  
  
Student: *runs crying to Kyo's side*  
  
Kyo: *stands up quivering*  
  
Ichigo: *watches intently* You.you can do it Kyo.we believe in you.  
  
Kyo: C'MON C'MON DO THE LOCOMOTION DO WITH ME!!!  
  
Everyone even HATORI GASP: *stands up and does the Locomotion with Kyo*  
  
Kyo: C'mon baby, do the Locomotion!  
  
Everyone: *faces the camera* DO THE LOCOMOTION!!!  
  
Takei: *escapes, knowing the secret of the Sohma's curse and of Kyo's transformation into a ( )*  
  
Hatori: *stands up* Wait! Follow that kid in the glasses! He knows the Curse!  
  
Everyone: We ALL know the Curse.  
  
Hatori: *erases every un-sohma's memory and plops rei ichigo and val onto his back and zooms off after Takei like Inuyasha*  
  
Takei: *hides in an alley like Nabeshin* Damn.they're after me.  
  
Kyo: *is still back at the school doing the locomotion around a bunch of passed out people* ^___^  
  
Hatori: *gets into a cowboy pose in front of Takei*  
  
Takei: *does the same* Move over, Mister Ha.This town ain't big enough for the both of us.  
  
Hatori: *is in that spread-leg-cowboy-pose-wiggling-his-fingers*  
  
Takei: *squints as a tumbleweed rolls by*  
  
Ichigo: Ooh, tumbly! ^__^ Teehee. *smiles sweetly and chases the tumbleweed off into the sunset*  
  
Hatori: *draws his squirtgun*  
  
Takei: *draws his too*  
  
~TO BE CONTINUED~  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rei: Don't you hate cliffhangers?  
  
Ichigo: *chased the tumbleweed off a cliff* Yeah.they really suck.  
  
Kyo: *is doing the locomotion in monster form still*  
  
Rei: Kyo, when you die, I want your pants.  
  
Kyo: *looks down at his pants* Nuh.mine.  
  
Ichigo: *is hanging off a branch sticking out of the cliffside* Uh.help?  
  
Puchuu Alien: *smoking a cigar* Burn in hell. 


	4. A Plumber Named Mario And A Clown Named ...

DIS-CLAY-MUH!!!: Alrighty everyone! We haven't updated in like a zillion years! NO! Fifty-four years! Just cuz! Yes, our fic is very stupid and random, but that's okay! We love you anyway, Hatori.  
  
Now then, onto the story! Ichigo fell off that cliff she's been hanging off for fifty-four years because that Puchuu alien touched her with his beautiful pink nose that really doesn't exist! So Ichigo will not appear in the story any longer. Actually, my friend Shelby whom is playing Ichigo just decided she isn't going to work on this, so she stopped. Okay. As I said, ONTO THE STORY!!!  
  
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU  
  
Hatori: *makes his move* DIE SKYWALKA!!!!! *fires squirtgun*  
  
Takei: *slow motion voice* Noooooooooooooooooooooo *is hit by tiny squirt of water and in slo-mo groans in pain and attempts to fly backward matrix- style except falls backward dramatically landing on his patooty.*  
  
Hatori: Hn. *blows on the gun like on those old western movies* And that's why you don't mess with The Hump.  
  
Brak's Dad: I'M THE HUMP!!!  
  
Hatori: You WERE The Hump, you baka! *roars like a camel* But I am The Hump now!!!! Fuahahahahahaa!  
  
Rei: *bursts out laughing*  
  
Val: Y'know..not many people are gonna know what that is..I highly doubt our readers have seen that episode of The Brak Show..  
  
Hatori: *roars like a camel* Oh well! Shut up!  
  
Val: Fine..wait..why am I being the sensible one?! This is just creepy!  
  
Hatori: Okay. Let's go home now everyone. Please.  
  
Rei: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAokay.  
  
~BACK AT SHIGURE'S HOUSE EVEN THOUGH HATORI WANTED TO GO TO HIS OWN HOUSE BUT WE DUN LISTEN TO HA'RI CUZ HE'S A SEAPONY AND I MEAN THINK ABOUT IT WHY WOULD YOU TRUST WHAT A SEAPONY SAYS?!~  
  
Shigure: This has been a very eventful day.  
  
Hatori: Yes, it has.  
  
Everyone: *plops down on the sofa*  
  
Val: Japanese houses don't HAVE sofas.  
  
Rei: Shut up, Hatori, we don't care what you think.  
  
Val: But I'm Val!  
  
Rei: No you're not, you're Hatori.  
  
Val: Okay. Fine. *changes her name to hatori*  
  
Hatori: Behold my powerful new name! Fufufufufufufu!  
  
Hatori: But MY name is Hatori.  
  
Hatori: So? We're both named Hatori now. I like your name. It means Temple Pigeon.  
  
Rei: ..I hate pigeons..  
  
Hatori: But it will confuse and disorient the readers because they don't know which Hatori is talking.  
  
Hatori: Oh well. I can trick them.  
  
Hatori: We're probably already doing so. They probably don't even know who'se talknig right now.  
  
Hatori: Well, if they paid attention, they'd know.  
  
Hatori: Yeah, but Americans are stupid. They don't pay attention anyways.  
  
Hatori: Yeah, but remember this is the worldwide web! It's not just Americans! There are British people reading this too! And Irish! TOP O' THE MORNING TO YOU LADDY!!!!!  
  
Hatori: ...I see. Well then, ALL humans are stupid. If they speak and read English.  
  
Hatori: That's racist! Hatori, you are SO going to jail for racismness!  
  
Hatori: ..whatever.  
  
~LITTLE POLICEMEN COME AND TAKE HA-SAN TO JAIL~  
  
Kyo: You're like slowly making all the Sohmas disappear.  
  
Hatori( is val, so we're just going to rename her Poe-chan for no reason): Who me? Why thank you, Mr. Sex Fiend.  
  
Kyo: That wasn't meant as a complime---WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!  
  
Poe: A Sex Fiend.  
  
Kyo: Why?  
  
Poe: Watch episode three and be amazed.  
  
Shigure: ^__^  
  
Rei: This is getting to be a really dumb story. We need some sort of storyline.  
  
Poe: OKAY! WATCH THIS! *twirls around really fast like a ice-skater-lady on her tippy-toe* ..how's THAT for action?  
  
Rei: ..hn.  
  
Hiro: That didn't make any sense.  
  
Poe: SHUT UP SHEEP-BOY WHO WAS MY SECOND FAVORITE CHARACTER JUST A FEW SECONDS AGO BUT NOW YOU YELLED AT ME SO I HATE YOU!!!!!  
  
Hiro: ...but I didn't yell.  
  
Rei: Shut up Sheepy, no one asked YOU to start talking. You just started talking for no reason whatsoever. STUPID SHEEP!!!  
  
Poe: Yeah, who died and made you toushu?  
  
Hiro: ..uh...right...I'll be going now.  
  
Rei: Good.  
  
Poe: NO!!! *grabs hiro and runs into other room with him*  
  
Rei: ...  
  
Poe: *comes back a few minutes later* ^__^  
  
Rei: ..what did you do? Where's Hiro?  
  
Poe: Aw don't worry, he went on one of his adventures down the drain.  
  
Rei: Like Akito?  
  
Poe: Preeeeecisely. ^^  
  
Yuki: What? Akito went down the drain?  
  
Poe: No. Of course not. Where'd you get an idea like that, you stupid rat?  
  
Yuki: ..  
  
Poe: *gasps* And why do you even care anyway?!!!!! *GASP* I see what's going on here! You're having a sexual relationship with Akito! THAT'S what you and him do in that little room he sets aside specially for you!  
  
Yuki: ...what..o.o  
  
Poe: HA! WE KNOW YOUR TRICKS AND WE KNOW YOUR SCHEMES, YUKI!!!  
  
Yuki: Why would I...  
  
Poe: WAIT A MINUTE!!!! YOU'RE HAVING A------MINE!!!! *attacks yuki and sends him down the drain*  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Poe: That'll teach HIM not to doodle with MY Akito!  
  
Rei: YOUR Akito?  
  
Poe: MY Akito.  
  
Shigure: ...*sighs* Another one down the drain.  
  
Poe: I know, sad huh? Oh well. I guess you could say I'm helping make this world a better place!  
  
Shigure: Yeah! No more Yuki! Err *cough cough* I mean how could you?!  
  
Poe: *gasp* You too?! HOW DARE YOU TAKE MY AKITO AWAY FROM ME AND MOLEST HIM LIKE THAT?!!! SHIGURE!!!!!!! *puts shigure down the drain*  
  
Tohru: Oh my, I hope he didn't get torn to shreds by the garbage disposal!  
  
Rei: I DO! I mean, *cough cough* that would be terrible!  
  
Tohru: Should I hire a plumber?  
  
Rei: No. Let's have Pennywise the dancing clown eat him.  
  
Tohru: I think I should hire a plumber...  
  
Poe: PLUMBER?!!! ALL RIGHT!! HIRE MARIO!!!!  
  
Tohru: Oh, okay! ^^ *calls SUPA MARIO and has him come over*  
  
Mario: *comes over riding Yoshi, who really isn't a green dinosaur but a MAGICAL SPOON CUSTOM-MADE BY SPIKE SPIEGEL!!*  
  
Poe: Oooh, MARIO, sexeh...  
  
Rei: ...this is disturbing..  
  
Mario: YAAHAA! Itsa me, Mario! *jumps off "Yoshi" and explores the pipes*  
  
Poe: THIS ISN'T FAIR!!!  
  
Rei: ..why not?  
  
Poe: BECAUSE MARIO WEARS OVERALLS AND WHEN YOU WEAR OVERALLS YOU CAN'T SEE THE BUTTCRACK LIKE YOU CAN ON EVERY OTHER PLUMBER IN THE WORLD!!!! WE MUST SEE MARIO'S SEXEH BUTTCRACK!!!!  
  
Rei: ..I don't want to see anyone's sexeh buttcrack..  
  
Mario: *digs deeper into the drain, but drops his wrench. He looks down into the ABYSS!!!!; there was a clown in the drain. Mario squinted his eyes and looked deeeeeeeeeeeeep down at the clown, and noticed he had a bunch of balloons, all colors, like gorgeous ripe fruit in one hand. In the other, he held Mario's wrench.*  
  
Clown: Want your wrench, Mario? ^___^  
  
Mario: *smiles back* I sure do.  
  
Clown: That's GOOD! That's very good! Now how about a balloon?  
  
Mario: Well...sure. *reaches forward into the drain and then draws his hand reluctantly back* I'm not supposed to take stuff from strangers, my mudder says so. ( yes, Mario lives with his mudder)  
  
Clown: Very wise of your mudder. Very wise indeed. THEREFORE!!! I will introduce myself. I, Mario, am Mr. Bob Gray, also known as Pennywise the dancing clown. Pennywise, meet Mario Mario. Mario, meet Pennywise. And now we know each other. I'm not a stranger to you, and you're not a stranger to me. Kee-rect?  
  
Poe: OH MY GOD!!!! THIS IS TOO MUCH LIKE THAT STEPHEN KING NOVEL "IT"!! HOLY CRAP!! THE ONE THAT REI IS READING!!!  
  
Rei: Don't fall for it, Mario! Pennywise is gonna rip off your arm!  
  
Val: Yeah! Oh, and by the way, IT does not belong to us, it belongs to Stephen King, so don't sue us.  
  
Rei: DON'T DO IT MARIO!!!!  
  
Mario: *giggles and ignores rei cuz he's an ass* Uhm, I guess so. *reaches forward and draws his hand back again* ..how did you get down there? In the drain?  
  
Pennywise: The storm just bleeeew me away, it blew the whole circus away. Can you smell the circus, Mario?  
  
Mario: No. But oh well. *giggles*  
  
Pennywise: Want your wrench, Mario? I only repeat myself because you don't seem that eager. *holds up the wrench smiling*  
  
Mario: Yes! *reaches down the drain for his wrench*  
  
Pennywise: *SEIZES HIS ARM!!!* Yes, they float Mario. And when you're down here with me, you'll float too.  
  
Mario: *giggles even though his arm is about to be ripped off* What floats?  
  
Pennywise: I dunno, I'm just saying that cuz that's what it says in the book.  
  
Mario: Oh. Okay.  
  
Pennywise: *pulls really hard and MA-LISH-ISH-LY grins*  
  
Mario: *giggles in agony as his shoulder socks against the metal sink*  
  
Pennywise: Everything down here floats, MAH-REE-OH.  
  
Mario: *arm is ripped off. And Mario the plumber dies giggling*  
  
Poe: ...okay, WHY are we making this copy off It?  
  
Rei: We're not. It just so happens Shigure has a murderous clown in his drain. Kee-rect?  
  
Pennywise: Ah, so your vocabulary has been converted to Pennywiseism?  
  
Rei: YAY!  
  
Pennywise: YAY!  
  
Rei and Pennywise: *fly over the rainbow holding hands* YAAAAAAAY!  
  
Poe: ..*hears a snap*  
  
Rei: *has lost her arm* Yay! ^__^  
  
Poe: Oh my god! REI ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?!  
  
Rei: *regrows her arm and disembowels Pennywise with a plastic spork* YAY!! ^_^  
  
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU  
  
Poe-chan: And so, another pointless chapter comes to a close. And all's well that ends well. And it seems that Hiro, Shigure, and Yuki went DOWN DA DRAIN and Pennywise ate them. But don't worry, there will be more chapters eventually. Yeah.  
  
Rei: Yes. And I disemboweled Pennywise with a plastic spork.  
  
Poe-chan: Yup. Okay. Toodleys! 


End file.
